Association of Radical Midwives
From MIDWIFERY MATTERS, Issue No.103, Winter 2004
ONLY CONNECT
The following paragraphs are an account of my birth stories which gave me valuable insight as a midwife, as a first time and second time mum giving birth.
I need not give a step by step account of each contraction, feeling or emotion though many poignant moments will be forever etched in my memory but want to focus on the relationship with the midwives who attended my labours.
My first baby - A perfect home birth
I was fortunate enough to have a team of midwives whom I felt were completely 'with women', understood where I was coming from and fully supported my decisions. I was lucky enough to see mostly three midwives although I did meet the whole team. Six midwives were too many to build a more personal relationship with, but I feel I was the beneficiary of this with those three. It was important that I felt relaxed, comfortable, able to voice my concerns and for us to have a mutual trust.
Towards the latter few weeks of my pregnancy I was becoming increasingly anxious owing to my blood pressure rising and a fear of induction. I desperately wanted a home birth and fortunately my blood pressure did not become worryingly high. I felt the midwives were as determined as I was to help me achieve my goal!
Thankfully at 39 weeks, after a long latent phase my labour became established. The midwife on call was new to me as our appointments had not yet coincided. I felt slightly concerned about this but within minutes we were laughing, finding out about each other and I was relaxed. I could sense her confidence, experience, excitement and sense of privilege at being with us for the biggest moment of our lives thus far.
I was in complete control of my labour - I moved as I wanted, got into the pool when I wanted, ate and drank what I fancied and spent time alone when I needed it. This was crucial to me and my progress. I pushed when I was ready and was only directed just at the end owing to a bradycardia. I could hear my baby's heartbeat and was glad of the directions. When my beautiful baby boy was brought up into my arms I had never known such joy and could not have loved anyone more. The exhilaration I felt was indescribable and the love I felt for midwives and husband was painful! From that moment I felt I could conquer the world.
The help and support I received postnatally was second to none. I have since passed on many useful tips to women myself, for example on breastfeeding and perineal care. But above all I was made to feel special.
My second baby - hospital birth
My second baby was a hospital birth owing to a medical condition which had subsequently developed. This pregnancy had been very stressful and I was extremely anxious about giving birth in hospital.
Like many women I care for professionaly, only on arrival at the hospital did I meet the midwife who would be with us on our second amazing journey. I was 9 cm dilated, contracting regularly and knew that labour was progressing quickly. This did not allow much time for building a relationship, but even so I had the feeling of being on a conveyor belt and that we were simply 'going through the motions' before my baby was to arrive.
I never felt completely relaxed or safe and, during the transitional stage, rather than feeling encouraged and supported, supported in feeling the overwhelming emotions which overtook me, I felt that I must do as I was told and not 'lose control'.
Naturally I became increasingly frightened, tense and unable to let go. Every push was directed and I felt a failure if I did not do well enough. By the finale I was so distraught that I gave the biggest push ever and my poor wee boy popped out in one fell swoop - all 5lb 1oz of him. I have no memory of euphoria, no warm words of congratulation between us and our midwife, simply paperwork, a goodbye and a shift change!
Following the birth I was to stay in hospital for two days for observation because of my medical condition and I cannot fault the postnatal care. Staff were caring and kind but the thrill of going home was indescribable!
I am not criticising my hospital birth merely highlighting the importance of the benefits of the ability to connect with someone you have just met, and the skill of listening to women.
I am sure many women have had, and will have a similar experience to mine, but our experiences would be so much better if only our midwives would connect with us.
As a midwife I now work in a busy unit and am very aware of women being stripped of their identity once they become a 'patient'. It is therefore imperative that we get to know where a woman is coming from, that we listen to her and allow her to have trust and confidence in us. She must feel that we are 'with her' a lot during her labour and that we maintain a sense of privilege at being given the opportunity to share this moment with her and her family. A hospital birth does not have to be any less special than a home birth.
(Name & address supplied)
(IK) updated (10th December 2004)
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